Artist Statement
I consider myself nomadic lacking genuine connection with people. Living on the edge, hustling from one end of the world to another. In all my adventures, I was barely happy, struggling with depression. A feeling I was tired of explaining to people. Letting them understand that I could not control this irritably drown in sadness feeling.
This feeling had a template, it showed up during my monthly cycle. I started observing it more in 2016 when I was placed on anti-retroviral drugs surviving tuberculosis. The doctors claimed it was a side effect from strong antibiotics.
During the Coronavirus lockdown wave in March 2020, the symptoms became more severe forming suicidal impressions. I began self-educating, searching the internet for resources. I learnt I had been suffering from a premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It all made sense, I had an identity to the feelings that drove me nuts. In those moments, I documented myself. Focusing on capturing the depth of this sadness that enveloped me. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a condition in which a woman has severe depression symptoms, irritability, and tension before menstruation. According to research from Harvard, about 15% of women with PMDD attempt suicide. Click here for self assessment https://iapmd.org/self-screen
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Dedicated to everyone seeking freedom from pain yet dealing with it headstrong.
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Anxiety confuses every thing you ever know. The feeling intoxicates you, mine showed up monthly.
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The say your shadow is your soul in black in white. I could feel mine wander. The thing about anxiety, you feel things deeply yet unsure how to unpack these emotions.
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Social media gave me minutes of escape but you never truly run away.
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Some times, I felt stupid explaining to people. It was really exhausting living in my body.
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What's the burden that comes with being a woman? Why must it be so hard and difficult?
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In the midst of the chaos in my head, I desperately wanted freedom.
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Sit in silence, re-engineer your thoughts, practice Yoga, eventually pray! Nothing could calm the storm every month, only sleep.
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About 15% of women with PMDD attempt suicide, this was a regular thought but I chose life!